Pinterest Moms

After working on Darrow and Ione's Halloween costumes and Trunk or Treat decorations, Cameron told me "You know, you can't post that online. Your Pinstrosity people will hate you. You can't be one of the Pinterest Moms" And I got a little offended by his comment. But I knew it wasn't meant harshly, and it wasn't worth getting worked up, so I brushed it off. Then last night after laughing over the results of Darrow's birthday cake (he requested a black cake) he said, "You can show this one!" I wasn't offended this time, but it did make me stop short. 

Can we talk about "that Pinterest Mom" for just a minute? 

You know her. The woman who just blew up your feed with the pictures of her perfectly executed themed birthday party fit for a rock star. Or she's the woman who is always posting pictures of the cute and educational things she is doing with her children. Or she's the woman who is posting about her kids quietly playing in their room while she does her hour of yoga and meditation. Or she's the woman who always looks on point and gorgeous. Or she's the woman who always has the cutest date night pictures of her and her "bae" (really...where did that come from?!) and their cute and perfect relationship. See, you do know her. 

We all know her. Or a few "hers". And for some reason so many of us feel threatened by her. Enough so that "Pinterest Mom" is becoming a derogatory term.

Now I know that there are some exceptions, but really for the most part, I don't think these "Pinterest Moms" are out there doing their thing to make any of us feel bad. That's not their point at all.

And you know what...none of them have it all 100% together. I know I don't. I know that none of the amazing women that I know have it all together. Some have it more together than others, but none of us are spotless and we all are hot messes in various aspects in our lives. But we compare our hot messes with our other's shining successes all too often. Of course there is going to be a disparity in that comparison! 

We have to stop it. Stop the comparison. Stop the "Pinterest Mom" shaming. Her success is not my failure. Say it with me. Her success is not my failure. We each have strengths. Every single one of us. We also all have thing we're not so good at. 

I make a mean cardboard Mater, but can't make a pretty cake. I take my family out on day trips, but I really dislike sitting and reading stories to my kids. I love making bouquets and wall hangings, but I can't keep my house clean ever.  Would I like my weak points to be stronger? Of course! But just because I am a crappy housewife, doesn't mean that now I can't buoy up and cheer on those that are fabulous at that. 

"Real" is such a buzzword right now. I love the movement of showing real life and not putting up a fake front, but don't get so enamored with real that you forget that talents are real too. It's okay to be a Pinterest Mom. It's okay to not be a Pinterest Mom. We all have our differing abilities!

So here's your Pinstrosity homework: 

If you find yourself putting anyone down for something they did well...stop. Stop immediately, and find a sincere compliment you can give. Even if you were just putting them down in your head, stop, and tell your Facebook friend that you love how happy her kid looks at her party, or how beautiful the quilling was on the card she just made, or how fun the sign is that she holding at her child's game, or that you are so glad they get to go on date nights. Be sincere. And soon you'll find that your outlook will change, your mindset will morph, and you will be happier! 

We can do this! We can lift each other up instead of tearing each other (and ourselves) down! 

The thing I realized my toddler craved: Control

Facebook showed me a memory from 2 years ago yesterday. It went like this: "Darrow may look like Cameron, but I'm pretty sure that just now when I pulled him off the bookshelf for the 10th time in a row in a series of 2 minutes and yelled, turned his back to me, banged his head on the floor, and then gave me a dirty look as he crawled back to the bookshelf, that it was 110% me. Neat."

And that statement has been proven true time and time again over the last 2 years. But, I realized something about a month ago that is making a huge difference. And I feel like a dork that it took me nearly 2 years of butting heads with a toddler to realize. 

It's all about the control, ('bout control, 'bout control -just channeling my inner Meghan Trainor there).

See, I like when I have everything under control in my sphere and with things relating to me. I like to plan my own day, have my space the way I want it, and things going the way I planned. It took me 2 years, but I realized that if Darrow is like me (and he's proven that over and over again), then it only makes sense that he's feeling the same way! He wants control. He doesn't want to be directed. He needs to feel like he's in charge of his sphere.

That light bulb was huge for me. I don't know why, but it was. You'd think that'd be an easy one, but it wasn't.

So I've been working to make some changes around here, and guys...it is hard! Giving him some control means me giving up some control. But isn't that what Motherhood is about, giving up what we want because what your child needs is more important?

Now, we're not just giving him carte blanche around here. There are things that are non-negotiable, such as staying in the yard, not playing with the oven, no throwing toys at Ione, not running away when we call him, etc. But I've found areas where if I give up some of my control over the situation, he can then exert his control. And it has made a world of difference! This is a much happier boy lately.

The first big one was bedtime and naps. Darrow is a night owl through and through (also a trait he got from me). Bedtime was often a huge fight. We'd put him to bed, he'd get out. We put him back in bed, he'd get out. We tried all different methods over the 2 years from various articles. Silently putting him to bed with no eye contact, calmly explaining why he needed to stay in bed, spanking, lying by him and wrapping our arms around him so he couldn't get off the bed until he cried himself to sleep, sitting down the hall and getting after him every time he got off the bed, and the list goes on. Nothing worked. Naptime was the same. He needed a nap, but it was a huge fight. 

So no instead of bedtime and naptime he has afternoon quiet time and bedtime quiet time. The rules are he stays in his room (in the afternoon it's a designated 2 hours-which is how long he usually naps). That's it. At night we get him in his jammies and do his nighttime routine (brush teeth, read a book, sing a song, prayers, kisses, milk, water, you know covering the excuse bases), and then he goes in his room for nighttime quiet time. During quiet time he gets to choose what he does and it's fine as long as he's in his room. The first 2-3 days he didn't nap, he just played in the afternoon, and at night he stayed up playing until 10 or midnight. But then the novelty wore off. 

Now for afternoon quiet time he plays for a little bit and then probably 4 times out of the week he'll climb in his bed and take a nap. At night he goes in and plays and probably 4 nights a week he is asleep by 8:30 or 9, with the others being up playing until 10-11. And then he sleeps later! Hallelujah! We moved Ione out of the room (she's an early riser and would wake him up before he's ready), and that's made it all even better. 

Everything we read said that kids needed a firm bedtime and a firm routine and having that nighttime schedule was important. So we tried to get that in place for 2 years and it just never worked. Darrow needed to feel that control. That one change has made the biggest difference out of everything lately. 

Beyond that I try to remember to let him choose things as much as possible. Are we playing in the front yard or backyard. What he eats for breakfast (I decide dinner and half the time lunch, but he gets to choose what he eats for breakfast). Which way we go when we take walks. Stuff like that. And it is enough that he feels more in control of his surroundings. 

On my end it means a lot of biting my tongue to keep from getting after him for things that are minor or trivial. Like smashing his sandwich flat before eating it (wiping up the bit of mess is easy, I can do that), or dumping all his toys out in his room just after we put them away, or flipping the curtains around, or carrying our shoes all over the house. I'd rather he didn't do those, but he's not being bad, he's not being destructive, and it's something I can just relax on and not be so uptight. 

So that's it, that's been the magic trick to a much happier, more well behaved, and much more rested Darrow: me giving up complete control so that he could have some control of his own!

Kett Files: My Magic Routine

Guys, I think I've found the magic routine for the day. It makes a world of a difference. I discovered it a few months ago and was going to wait until I had the routine down to habit and was doing it all the time and could tell you the great things it's done for my life as a whole. 

But let's get real here. I haven't even had a full week where I've stuck to my routine perfectly. And I'm realizing I probably never will have a perfect routine week, because that's life. 

What does this routine do for me? I'm able to keep the house from being disgusting, Darrow behaves better, I can get my photography business done, and even have a little family evening time. Boy, I sound like a commercial. Sorry. But really, this routine is a life saver and I know if I'd just stick to my guns and get up and jump into it every day that everything would go more smooth...but the lazy shoulder angel sometimes shouts the loudest and his idea sounds best. Darn it. 

This routine isn't perfect. There are still things I want to implement in. But for now, I'm seeing good results from it (when I do actually do it). So let me tell you about it. 

The main rule that all others fall under is no computer before noon. That's it. If I had an office job, it wouldn't work, but I'm at home so this is key. Before noon is my time to clean the house, organize, make appointments, get some one-on-one time in with Darrow (why is that so hard?! Mom guilt.), and making things for the house. At noon we have lunch, and then Darrow has quiet time in his room, Ione sits in her chair or swing by me, and I get to work on the computer with editing, doing my classwork, behind-the-scenes business work, bills, and anything that needs to be done on the computer. 

And that's the main idea of it! I want to refine it more to get in specific exercise time, and specific couple time...but for now I feel like I'm doing really good if I do this routine 3 days in a week. 

It's crazy how much this routine helps, but man it is hard. I didn't realize just how addicted to technology I am until I tried implementing this. It's so easy to just tune into the world wide web and to let your duties, responsibilities, and life just kinda blur in the background. If I get on the computer early in the day, the rest of my day is just shot. It's done. Darrow's picked up on that too! If I get on the computer early in the day, his behavior tanks. If I stay off until noon, he is generally much better behaved. 

So, this week I'm going for 4 days out of 7 following the routine (lets see if I can get my posts pre-written and scheduled so I can really stick with this). Because I know it helps make my day better. I know I'll be more productive and efficient. I know my kids will be happier. I know I'll be more likely to cook and that will make Cameron happier. It just makes us all happier. I can do this! 

____

What is your magic routine? I know this won't work for everyone, so I'm excited to hear from you what works in your home and your life! Maybe there'll be ideas you see from others that feel like something that would work for you. We'll help each other build magic timelines! 

Life isn't Pinterest Perfect, even in Yellowstone

Guys! I have a story for you!! Bahaha. 

So for those following on our Facebook or Instagram accounts, you probably know that Cameron and I (and Darrow and Ione of course) are all on a long family vacation road trip. Well yesterday was Yellowstone Day, and things definitely didn't go Pinterest Perfect!

Let's start at the very beginning. 

(Bonus points if you then just sang "a very good place to start") heehee

On the way up a small whine in our car got worse. We were planning on getting up early in the morning on Friday and heading to Yellowstone, but decided to take the car in to get it checked so we didn't end up with a dead car in the mountains with no cell signal. Well, by the time they checked the car, let us know it wasn't anything in need of fixing, and we got packed up to go, it was 3pm. We hemmed and hawed and finally decided that we'd go over, get a camping spot and then do the park all day on Saturday. 

So we ask Siri how to get to Lewis Lake Campground, the one the website said is usually the last to fill up. Siri shows up the regular route up through West Yellowstone, but then she also shows a route that is half the miles, and only 10 minutes longer which would spit us out right below the park and Lewis Lake Campground rather than traveling down through the whole park. The shorter route seemed like the good idea because I hate backtracking. 

So we get going on that route and end up on a 30 mile stretch of mountain dirt road, bumping along.

But no biggie, we can do that. And we actually shaved 15 minutes off the estimated arrival time Siri gave us. Shorter and Quicker! Hooray! We pull up to the southern gates of Yellowstone only to see a sign that says "All Campgrounds Full". Great. It's 6pm, and we had nowhere to stay. We then had to decide if we were going to try and find a way overpriced hotel for the night or not. We opted for making a very fast tour of Yellowstone, only stopping at two spots and briefly, and then going back to Cameron's uncle's house to sleep.

So we drove through trees. And more trees. And more trees. Let me tell you, the southern part of the Park is not that exciting. 

And finally we got to Old Faithful. I'll be honest. I wasn't super excited about Old Faithful. I wasn't uninterested, but I didn't feel like I HAD to see it or my life wasn't complete. But we were there and the geyser app showed that we happened to get there just 10 minutes before it was supposed to go off. Can't pass up that awesome of a coincidence. So we pulled in, got the kids out, and ran over (me in my sandals, no backpack carrier for Darrow, just the cell phone for a camera, and only the sling for Ione...because we weren't planning on staying long). 

We sit and wrestle Darrow (who doesn't want to sit and wait...he's 2), and finally Old Faithful begins to "erupt". It was neat, but kinda anti-climactic to tell you the truth. I expected a good roar, or a higher column, or something. It went off, and after the initial "oohhhhh" of the crowd it went silent. And that was it. Cool. 

So before it was done we got up to let Darrow run around and decided to just see where the boardwalk went to try and get a little energy out of Darrow before we went back in the car. We started around to the right side of Old Faithful and ended up on the greater geyser trail. It looked like there was a little loop we could do, so we set out. 

And then things got cool! Not all of the geysers are super predictable, and some take hours or days between eruptions. Somehow we just happened to get there when so many of the eruption times coincided and things were going off all over the place. That was awesome. 

And then we got to the Beehive Geyser that went off 15 feet in front of us and it was exhilarating and so cool!!! 

We were pretty excited after that and decided to go on and take a longer route to see the other geysers that we could see going off in the distance. It was pretty spectacular! 

But as excited as we were, Darrow was getting done. So at a T in the path I told Cameron to just run up the trail to the right to see the Morning Glory pool he was dying to see and that I'd start down the trail to the left back to Old Faithful with the kids and we'd catch up. 

This is where things turned. 

I got going down the trail with both kids and Darrow finally got to the end of his rope. He was D.O.N.E. But I knew Cameron had to just be a few minutes behind me, so I picked him up on my hip and carried him (with Ione in the sling). Well you can imagine how well that went. It didn't. So I tried to carry him piggy-back style. Well, that didn't work either. So Finally I got him up on my shoulders and started down the trail, a mile and a half back to Old Faithful with both kids hanging off me...literally. But I figured any minute Cameron was going to catch up and pull Darrow off my back and we'd be on our way. 

Well he didn't catch up and he didn't catch up, so I kept plodding along. In my sandals. With both kids. I'd had my hair all pinned up, but Darrow spent the time picking the bobby pins out of my head one by one releasing the Kraken hair. By the time we're nearing Old Faithful the teenagers and young adults are making a wide berth around the crazy lady with Kraken hair and two crying kids, and the old ladies smile at me and say, "Oh, I remember those days! How cute!" and I tried my hardest not to growl at them. 

And then I got back to Old Faithful (in time for the next eruption an hour and a half later). And then I realized that I'd just done a mile and a half with two kids on my back. And Cameron hadn't caught up. I started to wonder. But surely he'd just spent time pondering at the pool. 

And then an hour went by, and he didn't show up. 

It was 10 o'clock, dark, and my husband was off somewhere in Yellowstone Park. I was getting pretty afraid. Headlines of a man eaten by a bear went through my head. I borrowed a cell phone from a nearby family to try calling him and it went straight to voicemail. So I finally decided it was probably past time to call the Park Rangers. 

So I went into the Inn, the closest building to Old Faithful, and explained the situation to the concierge. He called the Rangers, gave a brief explanation, and then handed the phone to me. 15 seconds into giving my report, Darrow went dead weight, pulling his hand out of mine and took off running down the hotel hall. "Hold on, I have to catch my 2 year old!" I dropped the phone and went and caught Darrow again (with Ione in one arm). He then of course starts throwing a royal tantrum. So I set him on the floor and pinned him between my legs and pick the phone back up. The next few minutes I'm trying to pay attention to the Park Ranger and the questions he is asking, while also trying to wrestle Darrow with just my legs to keep him from running away. Eventually I end up sitting on the floor, with my legs pinning Darrow down as he screams, with the cord of the lobby phone stretched as far as it will go. 

But finally I get the report made and tell the Ranger that I'll stay put in that hotel lobby until either the Rangers or Cameron comes. So we then go hang out on the couches and work to get Darrow calmed down. This poor kid was way way done. So I sat and sang songs to comfort him, and myself. He was out there. He'd come back. I wasn't going to be a Yellowstone Widow. 

And then finally the Park Ranger pulls up in front of the building, and in comes Cameron through the doors at 10:45. "Hey! I didn't get eaten by a bear!" Best sight of the whole entire day! 

So now let's jump back to Cameron. On the map the paved biking/walking path is marked in black and the driving road in gray. Cameorn had thought from a glance at the map that the road went to the morning glory pool, but once he was there he found it was the bike path, not the road. So he looked at the pool, and then decided it was time to head out. 

He's not sure why now, but in his head then he then thought, "Well shoot, I need to book it down the path to the road and wait there for Marquette." So he ran in the opposite direction as I was going. He got to the end of the path and waited and waited and I didn't show up, so he decided he's just cut the time down and start walking on the road back towards Old Faithful. 

So he starts running down the road in this heavy fire fighting boots (after working as an emergency wildland firefighter one summer with the Forest Service, he fell in love with those boots), hoping I'd drive up. Well, I didn't. And it was dusk and getting darker and darker quickly, and he was running down the road. Suddenly he realized that he was along in Yellowstone, no one knew where he was, and he was running. If there was a bear nearby he was totally going to wake up the bear's predatory response by running, and he'd get eaten. So he kept his eyes on the woods and walked quickly along .

He got back down by Old Faithful, but didn't know where he was in relation to the geyser, or where we parked. So he went into the first building he found. He figured at this point that I'd probably called him in as missing. As much as he felt like a goober for having to report himself as missing, he figured it was time. He went in to the lady at the front desk and explained the situation and she was a little odd. "Oh, that's horrible! I wish I could help. I can't call anyone for you." OKay. So Cameron went back outside and went running around looking for someone who could help him. 

He finally saw a Park Ranger driving up and started waving his arms to flag him down. And the Ranger drove right by him. Luckily though, someone was driving the wrong way down a one way street and the Ranger pulled him over. So Cameron ran and caught up and stood off to the side waiting to talk to the Ranger. 

"Do you need me?" the Ranger asked. "Yes sir, I do." So the Park Ranger told hi to go sit on the steps and he'd be with him in a minute. Cameron turned and walked a few steps and the Ranger turned around and called after him. "Wait. Are you looking for your wife and kids?" 

"Yeah. That's me." The Ranger chuckled and had him wait. After he was done with his business he got Cameron in the car and they headed off to the lodge. They went in the lobby all excited to reunite a family and I wasn't there. They asked the lady at the lodge and she had no idea what was going on and there wasn't anyone there looking for a missing person. That confused them until they remember there was the new Old Faithful Inn, so they drove over there. 

They hopped out, Cameron came in the door and Darrow shot over to him, "Daddy!" 

"Hey...I didn't get eaten by a bear!"

And with all the cool geysers going off that we saw, him coming through that door was the best sight I'd seen all day. 

We got to pack up in the car, passed out the cinnamon rolls we'd bought for breakfast the next morning, and drove (in the dark) through the park (dodging Elk), back to Cameron's uncle's house to sleep. 

So there you have it! There's our Yellowstone experience. It was crazy then, and kinda scary, but now we're laughing! 

Don't You Quit. You Are Doing Better Than You Think You Are.

photo credit: Trisha Shelley Photography

Some days I'm sure that's how toddlers are delivered each day. They sure do seem to be a whole separate species some days. One day the UFO delivers the sweetest little boy and other days I think the aliens are testing the breaking point of the adult brain. But they definitely do drop of a strange little creature each morning.

For a whole day, that is how he carried his sheep around the house.

Yeah...that's, um...nutella. Needless to say we were late to church that day cleaning up the...nutella. 

He couldn't find his sunglasses. 

After a particularly trying day the other day I told Cameron, "I don't know if I can do this. What if we mess him up? What if what we think is the right thing to do turns him into a despicable or non-functional human being?" Cameron chuckled (I think he tried not to, but did), and said "We're not going to mess him up. He just needs to know that we love him." I brushed that off at first. I felt so inadequate. I felt so bogged down. I felt so confused at how I could love this little person so much and really dislike being a mom all at the same time.

Daily I feel like my brain is working harder than ever before, and yet melting at the same time. Daily I feel intense waves of love and extreme frustration all within the same second. Daily I question if I am teaching enough, playing enough, loving enough, calm enough, disciplining enough, moving enough, etc. Daily I hit moments where I'm sure I'm doing this whole mothering thing wrong, and doing life wrong.

I need to put this quote up where I will see it daily. Hourly. Some days I believe the quote. Other days I don't.

Over Christmas Break my Mom kept trying to assure me that it would all turn out okay. That I'd make it through. That the Mommy Pay Days would come. She said, "Your wedding day was a Mommy Pay Day, and that's why I cried all day long." I laughed and replied, "I'd cry too if it took 20 years to get a pay day!" It's hard to look ahead to these big moments and to use them as motivation. They seem so distant. They don't seem even real at this point.

So for now I look for these smaller Pay Days. And if I look and pay attention, they are here, cleverly disguised as just normal moments.

Like when we all got a great chuckle when Darrow spent the entire meal at Denny's with his foot on the table.

Or when I walk into the room to find his chair of preference is the cookie tub.  

Or the way he flaps his arms as he runs.   

And just his goofy little self. 

These moments matter. These moments are what build up the years. These are the moments I have to treasure up, because if I only focus on the fits, the nights he wakes up 4 times, the thrown food, the endless diaper changes, then of course all I will see is a long road full of sinkholes and despair. 

And I think this applies not just to motherhood, but to life. Life isn't a constant adventure or romance movie. It's a lot of mundane and normal moments with seconds of awesomeness thrown in. The trick is to find joy in the mundane and normal moments. To keep moving. To keep pushing on. 

So whatever your struggle is right now, whatever you feel bogged down in, keep going. Keep pushing. Keep trying to succeed. Don't you quit! You are doing better than you think you are.