Well, I thought my first Mix It Up Monday post with Matthias Varga's depiction of international economics using two cows was a humorous portrayal of various types of governments and countries economic state and approach, but some declared it racist and were upset. I now need to get out the door to a doctor's appointment, so I found something that will hopefully work for today and will be less offensive.
30 Kid-Tested and Kid-Approved Jokes by Joyce from Childhood Beckons:
To say that my son loves jokes would be an understatement. I'm constantly on the lookout for more kid appropriate jokes to spare me from hearing the same ones over and over. So I thought I'd share some of the ones that make us giggle. I've also asked several amazing bloggers about their kid-tested favorites and I've included them at the end of this post. I hope your family gets a laugh, and a knee slap, out of them too!
Silly Puns
1. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
-To get to the other slide.
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2. What do you call a pig that knows karate?
- A pork chop!
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3. Why do bees have sticky hair?
-Because they use honeycombs.
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4. Why was the man running around his bed?
-He wanted to catch up on his sleep.
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5. What does a robot frog say?
-Rib-bot. (Said in your best robot voice)
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6. Why is 6 afraid of 7?
-Because 7 8 9!
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7. What's black and white, black and white, black and white?
-A penguin rolling down a hill!
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8. Why do cows wear bells?
-Because their horns don't work!
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9. What does a snail say when it's riding on a turtle's back?
-Weeeee!!
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10. How did the barber win the race?
-He knew a short cut.
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Knock Knock Jokes
11. Knock, knock.
-Who's there?
Boo.
-Boo who?
Please don't cry. It's only a joke.
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12. Knock, knock.
-Who's there?
Nobody.
-Nobody who?
(Stay silent)
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13. Knock, knock.
-Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
-Interrupting c..
MOO!!!
(Can be used with any animal. Just interrupt the other person with the corresponding animal noise!)
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14. Knock, knock.
-Who's there?
Cows say.
-Cows say who?
No silly, cows say moo!
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15. Knock, knock.
-Who's there?
Owls say.
-Owls say who?
Yep.
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16. Knock, knock.
-Who's there?
Tank.
-Tank who?
You're welcome!
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17. Knock, knock.
-Who's there?
Little old lady.
-Little old lady who?
I didn't know you could yodel!
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More Kid-Tested Jokes
18. What is brown and sticky?
-A stick!
Deborah from Learn With Play At Home
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19. Why did half a chicken cross the road?
- To get to his other side!
JDaniel4'sMom from JDaniel4sMom
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20. What's mom and dad's favorite ride at a fair?
- A married-go-round!
Henry son of Laura from PlayDrHutch
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21. Where do cows go on Friday night?
- To the MOOOvie theater.
Krissy from B-Inspired Mama
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22. What did zero say to eight?
- Nice belt!
Danielle from Mommy and Me Book Club
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23. Where do sheep get their wool cut?
- At the BAAAbars!
Deborah from Learn With Play At Home
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24. Knock, knock.
-Who's there?
Banana.
-Banana who?
Knock, knock.
-Who's there?
Banana
-Banana who?
Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
Orange.
-Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana again?
Danielle from 52 Brand New
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25. Where did the king keep his armies?
- In his sleevies!
Kristin from Sense of Wonder
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26. Where do library books like to sleep?
- Under their covers!
Kim from Adventures in Reading with Kids
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27. Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself?
- Because it's two-tired!
From The Iowa Farmer's Wife
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28. Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
Yourself.
- Yourself who?
Your cell phone's ringing you better answer it.
From The Iowa Farmer's Wife
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29. How do you make a tissue dance?
- Put a little boogie in it.
Kate from Picklebums
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30. Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
Smell mop.
- Smell mop who?
(Potty humor at it's finest)
Rachelle from Tinkerlab
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-A stick!
Deborah from Learn With Play At Home
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19. Why did half a chicken cross the road?
- To get to his other side!
JDaniel4'sMom from JDaniel4sMom
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20. What's mom and dad's favorite ride at a fair?
- A married-go-round!
Henry son of Laura from PlayDrHutch
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21. Where do cows go on Friday night?
- To the MOOOvie theater.
Krissy from B-Inspired Mama
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22. What did zero say to eight?
- Nice belt!
Danielle from Mommy and Me Book Club
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23. Where do sheep get their wool cut?
- At the BAAAbars!
Deborah from Learn With Play At Home
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24. Knock, knock.
-Who's there?
Banana.
-Banana who?
Knock, knock.
-Who's there?
Banana
-Banana who?
Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
Orange.
-Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana again?
Danielle from 52 Brand New
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25. Where did the king keep his armies?
- In his sleevies!
Kristin from Sense of Wonder
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26. Where do library books like to sleep?
- Under their covers!
Kim from Adventures in Reading with Kids
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27. Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself?
- Because it's two-tired!
From The Iowa Farmer's Wife
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28. Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
Yourself.
- Yourself who?
Your cell phone's ringing you better answer it.
From The Iowa Farmer's Wife
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29. How do you make a tissue dance?
- Put a little boogie in it.
Kate from Picklebums
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30. Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
Smell mop.
- Smell mop who?
(Potty humor at it's finest)
Rachelle from Tinkerlab
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This one's long but it works well for kids who are slightly older. Mid- to upper-elementary age, I guess?
ReplyDeleteA famous outlaw rode over the state line from Texas to New Mexico. He came to a small town, where he hitched his horse up in front of the saloon and went in for a drink. Now, it was the local custom to play a small prank on newcomers: They would take the guy's horse and hide it. So when the outlaw came out, his horse was gone. He went back into the saloon, drew both pistols, twirled them around like they do in the movies, and fired into the ceiling. The room went silent.
"I'm gonna order one more drink, and when I finish that drink, my horse had better be back out there where I left him or else I'll have to do what I did in Texas, and I don't wanna have to do what I did in Texas."
He sat down and ordered that drink. When he finished it and went back outside, his horse was there, being held by the mayor himself.
The outlaw swung up into the saddle. As he was about to ride off, the mayor tugged on his sleeve and whispered nervously, "Just out of curiosity--what did you have to do in Texas?"
The outlaw leaned down and replied, "I had to walk home"